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Family is like a bag of mixed nuts, and the Christian family is no different. In the tradition of laughing at what bothers us instead of getting angry, this section will be devoted to any humorous items we post to poke fun at ourselves and our brethren.
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Written by Uncle Luther
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 22:32 |
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You might be a Southern Baptist if…
- When someone refers to the fathers of the Christian faith you immediately think of Charles Stanley and Billy Graham.
- You’re reasonably certain all Catholics are going to Hell.
- The altar call at the end of the sermon lasts longer than the sermon itself.
- Your lunch is frequently held up by “one last sinner” at church.
- Your typical tip at a restaurant consists of a 99 cent tract, a stick of mint chewing gum and the 72 cents you had in your pocket.
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Written by Uncle Luther
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 22:27 |
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You might be a Presbyterian if…
- Your pastor is currently on part 23 of a 12 part series.
- You have made Jesus lord of your life, but you’re still holding on to your wallet with all your might.
- You’ve ever caught yourself praying in the name of Calvin.
- You believe God has predestined the elect to eternal life, but have a strong desire to witness to people on airplanes.
- You refer to The Westminster Confession as “The Newer Testament.”
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Written by Uncle Luther
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 22:22 |
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If James 5:14 were written today…
“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the local naturopath and let them employ a holistic approach. Partake of the fish oils and shun the gluten and the hydrogenated oils. Let no unclean preservative enter your body and purge the toxins out with the Chiropractor’s footbath. Trust neither the doctors nor the FDA, as they are the devil’s spokesmen. Conduct your grocery shopping only at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s, for in these places healing begins. Forsake all common sense and reason, for these represent the wisdom of this world. Scoff loudly and passionately at all doctors, proven medical treatments and legitimate research. It is only by becoming a complete whackjob that one can dispense of earthly toxins and achieve a glorified body here on Earth.”
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Written by Uncle Luther
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 22:13 |
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They say common sense ain’t so common these days and it seems this adage couldn’t be any more true than in the church. Fear not though, in response to the overwhelming lack of understanding that has led the misguided among us to take their right to bear arms to mean they have a right to play God and commit other less serious but equally embarrassing acts, I have decided to offer an eight-week seminar this summer called “Common Sense for Christians.” Here is our course outline:
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