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Written by Uncle Luther
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Saturday, 29 August 2009 22:38 |
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You might be an Independent Fundamental Baptist if…
- You have ever used the phrase “Get right with God.”
- You believe that Jesus spoke Aramaic and the Bible was written in Hebrew and Greek— but the 1611 King James Version is the only inspired Word of God.
- Evangelism consists of tracts, bus visits and a “magic prayer.”
- You believe women deserve second-class treatment in the church because Eve “started it” by eating the forbidden fruit.
- You treat everyone outside the church as a “pagan” or “heathen,” unless, of course, you can win a free steak dinner by inviting them to church.
- You believe masculinity is defined not by a man’s leadership in the home or his faithfulness to God—instead it is a simple question or whether or not he urinates standing up.
- Most of your church music resembles a either a barbershop quartet or old drinking songs.
- You can take prophecies from Jeremiah regarding Israel that have already been fulfilled and apply them to the United States.
- You just can’t for the life of you understand why God would choose such a nasty process for human reproduction.
- The thought of people burning in Hell makes you smile because you feel they are getting what they deserve.
- You’re not sure if liberals can really be Christians. In fact, you secretly hope they can’t.
- You have memorized the book of Leviticus.
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